Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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