I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
