I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
My dick has a subreddit
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
