I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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