She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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