I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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