I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
