Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
