Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
