thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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