you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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