Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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