what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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