Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
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