she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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