if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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