I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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