please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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