Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
