You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
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