Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
