i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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