He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
