last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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