My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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