you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast