A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
31 People Admit To Nasty Things They Do On The Reg
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM