Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
We're too hungover to prance.