just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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