It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
