there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
