i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
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