she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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