I'm really into asian looking animals
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
he puts the penis in happiness.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
