guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
