i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
