oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Randomize
