Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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