i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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