so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
