I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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