am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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