Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
where are my eyebrows?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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