dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
