the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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