i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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