you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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