This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
