rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
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