Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
