Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
