so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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