i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
