Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
i think i just naturally attract stoners
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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