I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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