Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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