hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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