he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Randomize
