Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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