i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
