when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
